Ok, so you've heard it all before. Time to change your life get again. Only this time it is going to be for the better kid. Forget other peeps and their traumas. They ain't don't belong to you. So don't get bogged down in them. Do a Buddha chant, thing about what you want and it will be yours. I promise!


Put down that pint, you are in overdrive and wallowing in total self excess. Both of your ruling planets, Mars and Pluto, are now bumming around Scorpio and that really doesn't happen very often. Stop living in the past. You've overplayed your hand and it is time to get out. Move on and maybe that luxury villa Madonna has just splashed out on in Portugal could be yours. Well the one next door anyway.


You are distracted and don't know what the hell is going on. Stop sitting in your bedroom and listening to those Leonard Cohen records and sharpening those razor blades. It is a waste of time and talent. Check out the alternatives and remember for some golden doors to open a few boring wooden ones have to close. The bang only lasts a few seconds and then you'll forget it forever.


It is a time of big upheaval. It might been packing a case, moving flat or just clearing the shit off your desk. As one of the zodiac's most ambitious signs you've always got heaps going for you, but most of the time you just don't try. You are trying to keep everything balanced at that is tricky. Throw away those scales and who knows you might just be the new band member Elastica is looking for. That or the first person we know who as actually scored a job from the media Guardian section on a Monday!


Get that kaftan on. This is a time of chilling out and reawakening. Ok, so Glastonbury '95 is long forgotten in a weird haze, but there is real inspiration to be had by keeping that incense burning. You may feel confused about getting to know yourself big time, but eh! did it ever do Yoko Lennon's bank account any harm. Eventually you'll arrive at a real solution to your troubles. But please forget organising a luv in. Hippies ain't going to happen again no-matter what Vogue's over-paid stylists say.


You've always been super confident and convinced that something cool was going to happen to you. Well take off those dark glasses when you go to buy the sunday papers - it ain't happened yet. You've got to realise that things just don't happen with out some energy - and sometimes talent. Decide what you are good at and go for it. Its unlikely you are ever going to be Liam Gallagher, so get real and write a blockbuster.


Every ten years or so you step out of your snakeskin and start to experiment. Shame this season snakesin is really in. You could always go for zebra stripes, but it isn't going to help. Check out your environment. It is time for a metamorphosis and we are not talking changing into The Fly here. Dye your hair, do a Linda Evangelista. Anything but a Jackie o, that is old hat and there aren't too many Greek shipping tycoons floating around right now.


Put down that box of Kleenex, you are emotionally over-flowing at the moment. You are doing more damage to our ocean than French nuclear tests. It is time to look at what you want and down which road to go. It will either tear you apart - corner the market on Kleenex - or sew you right back together - corner the market on Mates! If anyone loves you at the end of the day Richard Branson will.


Ok so you've finally got what you want. But is it really what you expected and are you happy. I suspect not. It hasn't got you to the front of queues at clubs and lots of free drinks. Be real Blur's drummer doesn't usually get that kind of treatment. Stop dreaming about limos and luscious, silicon babes. Your ambition list might be one shorter, but at least you will have finally arrived on planet earth as we know it.


You are probably spending alot of time right now looking deep, deep down into the bottom of a glass wondering where the hell your life is going. Are you doing it because you are trying to work out what you really want or because you are trying to prop up the past? Answer both and you'll end up a MENSA member with Geldoff's kids. Answer one and you'll be getting out of bed with a smile in the morning - without the aid of a few smutty mags!


One of Leo's greatest fears is to be made to look dead stupid. Well, over the next few weeks you are going to have to accept it hun. Well intentioned actions like buying a round of mega expensive drinks at the Atlantic bar might be dismissed as a joke or you being totally pretensious. Red face aside, what it will do is make you that bit more ruthless. Remember Fluffy aren't quite as soft and pink as you think!


Checked your balance at the cash point recently? Heart attack city or what. Ask yourself is it because your career is on the up and up or the down and down. There are signs that you've been spending like the wee Ormsby-Gore whose just quit Fluffy. Well, sorry you are not an aristo and never will be. Take note of your expenses and you'll see that Dolce & Gabbana top will just have to be replaced by a rip-off from Kookai.

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