by Captain W E Paranoia
Like they say, just because it's a well documented fact that everything and everyone is out to get you, doesn't mean you're paranoid. But if you have any sense, you should be. Mark my words, in a world run riot with sinister Illuminati, government cover ups and extra terrestrial infiltrators, paranoia is simply the sanest state of awareness. Believe nothing you read, nothing you hear or see and only half of what I tell you. Above all, be afraid, be very afraid.
Every month, from my secret underground enclosure, I'll bring you the bare facts of some of the most deadly conspiratorial threats to the individual liberty of each and every one of us. With only the razor edge of my trusty modem, I'll peel away the layers of misinformation and dissect the hidden truths right before your very monitor screens. Think of me as your wild eyed correspondent on the frontline of modern myth.
This month my prying eye falls on the alleged alien visitation the media have dubbed:
THE ROSWELL INCIDENT
CASE FILE 1:
On the evening of July 2nd 1947 a luminous disc shaped object is reported flying in a North Westerly direction over the small farming town of Roswell New Mexico. The next day the wreckage of an unidentified craft is discovered by local ranch manager William Brazel and his son and daughter. The authorities were alerted and Major Jesse Marcel of the 509th Bomb Group Intelligence Office, stationed at the local air base, retrieved the wreckage. Major Marcel then called a press conference to reveal his findings and announce the discovery of alien life. General Roger Ramey then took charge of the operation, releasing a second statement claiming the wreckage was nothing more than a weather balloon, and a hasty cover up, including intimidation of eye witnesses was then initiated.
CASE FILE 2:
Forty eight years later in 1995, after two years of negotiation with an un named source, a British film maker releases film footage purporting to be an alien autopsy conducted at Roswell from around the same time. It is eventually written off as a hoax but makes front page news around the world. And we are still no closer to the truth.
So what really happened ? The truth lies in one of three explanations, or maybe in all of them.
EXPLANATION 1 - STATUS:- CLASSIFIED (RESTRICTED ACCESS)
On July 2nd 1947, the US government made what is possibly the first tactical contact with extra terrestrial life forms, technologically centuries in advance of us. In return for a few beads and trinkets of technological innovation, they covered up the crash and suppressed any proof or information relating to the continued presence of aliens on our planet. These aliens, known as the greys, continue their unspeakably barbaric experiments, with full government consent, trying to crossbreed some hybrid alien/human genetic monstrosity. It was the result of just such an experiment that is dissected in the Roswell footage. The releasing of this footage is the first stage in revealing this alien presence to the public. The Greys plan to announce themselves as our allies, here to warn us of an imminent invasion by the Reptoids (for whom, in actuality, they work). The only way to avert this disaster, they will tell us, is to form one new world order, under one government, with one currency controlled by a single world bank. This accomplished, they will have no difficulty completing their evil schemes of world domination by exploiting the greed, stupidity and ignorance of our politicians and banking elite. The Reptoids will then sweep in and enslave us all.
2 - STATUS:- CLASSIFIED IN EXTREME (AUTHORISED ACCESS ONLY)
The UFOs spotted over Roswell, and infact around the world are not space craft capable of carrying sentient life between planets. They're giant constructs of negative psychic energy. Using technology appropriated from Wilhelm Reich's experiments with cloudbusting and orgone energy, the US Army shot down or rather earthed one of these psychic crafts. This psychic crash was like pure information downloading from one dimension to another and has enabled the US Army to build and pilot their own UFOs. New Mexico has become the training ground for genetically enhanced telepathic freaks to learn to control the UFO's. The Roswell footage is simply a post crash autopsy of one of these pilots. This programme is partly funded by big business interests who in return for sponsorship are allowed to advertise in the collective unconscious. Ever had a dream where you were really hungry and then ate a MacDonalds or were thirsty and slurped a Coke, that's product placement, direct to your sleeping subconscious mind.
EXPLANATION 3 - STATUS:-PRIORITY CLASSIFIED (ALL ACCESS DENIED)
The US government has, through out the greater part of the twentieth century practised a policy of enforcing social cohesion through strategic use of the threat of a malevolent outside menace. This justifies their policies of unlimited military spending and validates the continued existence of such repressive bodies as the CIA, who are answerable to no one and need pay no heed to the actual welfare and safety of the public. The role of the external threat has normally been filled by another terrestrial country, Nazi Germany or Communist Russia for instance. In the wake of the cold war ending it has become increasingly difficult to find a large enough terrestrial power to challenge the might of the USA. Since 1977 under the instigation of President Carter (who incidentally cited further investigation into the existence of UFOs as one of his campaign promises) increasingly large funds have been allocated to the programme for research into life on other planets. This programme is in no way connected to NASA or any private or publicly funded scientific investigation into space flight or astronomy, has no contact with the scientific community and has never published or released a single finding, yet continues to receive more funds each year while every other similar department's funding is cut. For many years there has been talk with in the inner sanctum of the White House about the most effective ways of revealing proof of intelligent life on other planets to the public at large. The incident at Roswell was the first fledgling attempt at creating an alien threat, before Russia conveniently filled that role. It was quickly vetoed from above, aborted and covered up by an embarrassed US Army and Central Intelligence Agency. This self same programme, has now been revived by an increasingly desperate and ideologically bankrupt ruling body. The release of the government forged Roswell footage was a calculated attempt to rescue the topic of extra terrestrial life from the pages of publications like The Sunday Sport and the National Inquirer, and make it front page news. In order to create a climate sympathetic to further such revelations.
I leave you to form your own conclusions. I have one last revelation though ....... But wait there's a light outside my window. What's that blue tractor beam coming towards me ... they wont take me without a fight. Until/if I see you next month, keep watching the skies, but most importantly, keep watching your back ...........
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